While John Oliver opened his show by relishing the victories (and the defeats) attendant to Tuesday’s midterm elections, he quickly turned the full force of his weekly withering analysis on Pete Hegseth.
Noting that the Secretary of War oversees an agency with a budget of more than $1T and employs 3.4M Americans, Oliver pointed out that, while Hegseth likes to post performative videos of himself working out with servicemembers, he can’t even do a proper kettlebell swing.
Watching video of the secretary, one fitness expert says, “I’ve never seen someone be more gentle and dainty in their kettlebell swing. It looks like some sort of ballet move.”
Oliver goes on to show the litany of Hegseth’s “no fatties” speech, which the host calls, “Less like an inspiring piece of oratory and more like he’s reading from a book called, Dr. Seuss for Concussed Bigots.”
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He rattled off the failures of Signalgate, the boat strikes in the Caribbean and the war in Iran, as well as his focus on servicemembers’ testosterone levels.
Oliver focused in on Hegseth’s “unbelievably stupid” personnel decisions. Those include refusing to discipline the chopper pilots who did a too-low flyover at Kid Rock’s house and later firing the general who supported an investigation into the incident. Oliver also cites the secretary’s decision to fire the “top lawyers for the army, navy and air force.”
The Last Week Tonight host recalled Hegseth’s less distinguished moments doing stunt segments on Fox News: “bull riding, sumo wrestling and hitting himself in the crotch with a skateboard.”
He then revealed what might be the most ignominious moment of Hegseth’s career on air at Fox News.
“Hegseth infamously missed the target doing an ax throwing demonstration,” said Oliver over video of the event. “And [for] the people thinking, ‘Jesus, that ax could have hit someone,’ guess what?”
Oliver rolled CNN footage of the ax hitting a marching band drummer in the background.
He went on to rattle off an number of “red flags” about Hegseth, even before he took his post as the country’s top military official:
- The Christian crusader motto tattooed on his arm.
- The fact that he’s a member of a church community run by a self-described Crristian nationalist who wants to repeal a woman’s right to vote
- His settlement with a woman who accused him of sexual assault
- A caustic letter written to Hegseth’s mother “on behalf of all the women…you have abused”
So how did the Pentagon respond when contacted Last Week Tonight for comment?
“Our dealings with the Pentagon this week have at times felt like dealing with a bunch of d*ckhead teenagers,” said Oliver. “When we asked about Hegseth’s college condemnation of diversity, their official response was, ‘The secretary is absolutely correct on this issue.’”
When asked if there was anything else, the host said a Pentagon spokesman responded, “Deport John Oliver.”
Oliver’s solution? He pleads with newly-elected lawmakers to “remove this f*cking *sshole” from his lofty office.